i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize