Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
