How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
