I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
