Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
