You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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