I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
