I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
