the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize