I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
