Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
