dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
