dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize