i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
