You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
