i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
