He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
