I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
