i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
