Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
