She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
pop tarts are not kleenex
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
