I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
