no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
