Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize