I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
