You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The Olympian is in my bed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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