guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
