My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
