It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
