god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
