Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
