We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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