We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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