I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
