my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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