Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
