I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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