Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
