I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
