If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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