how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
