oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize