yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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