don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
