Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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