He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
