Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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