i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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