Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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