On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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