ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
