Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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