please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
