I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
