hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My bed smells like the plague
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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