Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
no you cant smoke seaweed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
