After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
