i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am naked and annoyed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
