It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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