So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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