Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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