Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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