I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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