"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
