i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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