Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
