Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
