Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
