cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
