I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Operation Purity has been aborted
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
