I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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