saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
