I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
