I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
