We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
