Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
