I'm lost and stupid without you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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