btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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