it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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