dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
