You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
