Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
