I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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