What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
