Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
