I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
