I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
