Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
