the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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