Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
