Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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