rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
