On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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