I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
