I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
