Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
