How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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