I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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