Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
