the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
