are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
